Bugs me most when brought up by those antagonistic, but also a great deal by those who might be or think they are, sympathetic
Gay men are not hyper-sexual.
1. It might seem convincing because how do we all think of places where gay men go to meet up? I know my culture well enough that what is popping to mind are clubs, bars or (God forbid) public restrooms. A stereotypical encounter of two men hooking up is still, within the mimetic understanding of society, the set-up for a gay porno. Even I catch myself viewing homosexuality as a seedy, indiscriminate fuckfest, while my attitude toward heterosexuality has a more old-fashioned courtship frame of mind. But that is not how it works. How to gay men meet and date? Usually through mutual friends, work/school, online or… you know… the exact same way straight people do.
2. Gay men are hyper-sexual beasts because sex was both A. a reason for homophobes to disparage homosexuality and then B. co-opted because an over-driven sexuality has been a time honored way of expressing pride and a lack of resentment in feeling that same sexuality. But these of course are not reality, but forms of speech.
3. Flaunting a sexual nature? Hollywood is the worst. What was the last movie you saw that wasn’t thematically based on homosexuality that had a gay sex scene? For that matter, name a movie that had an inter-racial sex scene with the same conditions. This is why homosexuality with men is seen and has to be so over-driven. There is an absolute bias toward standard (or even kinky) heterosexuality that is so normalized it goes unnoticed. Put a heterosexual rape scene in a film and it’ll get the standard “exploitation” reviews (and that’s another issue) but film “Brokeback Mountain” and only then do you create a film with deep content about sexual behavior.
How homosexuality can even begin to create the talk and controversy in as far as rape does is to me not a good measure of our sense of ethics. “Brokeback Mountain” seemed to offend some as much as “Boys Don’t Cry” and that is all fucking messed up.
4. Four, the nice number, gay men want someone they can talk to, who will support them in bad times and be a great friend along with lover. There have been good attempts in pop culture to display this. I don’t care what detractors say about the bad jokes or cliche characters “Will and Grace” was a valiant example of trying to normalize what is actually normal behavior in the gay community (more Will than Jack, of course.) Treating homosexuality as if the best part were blowjobs in a gloryhole… all guys like blowjobs… but we also like a committed partner (most of us) who might also make us soup when we’re sick. Maybe after a bad day at work watch a movie with an arm around you–that is the Gay Agenda.
5. Homophobia actually deprives gay men of being able to have or feel okay with their sexuality. I had sex my last year of high school with girl. It was mostly a nightmare of not understanding safe sex practices, nerves, religious upbringings and me not knowing what a clitoris was. But we didn’t have to worry about being found out and teased for being “fags” at school. We didn’t have to sneak around. We were able to be open about it.
But if you are gay, you lose all such privileges. You cannot be public, you cannot disappoint your family, you might even get blamed for hurricanes and the WTC terrorists attacks, but yet this is somehow supposed to compel you to become a sex maniac? I suppose their is the aspect of rebellion, but that there does not place sexual nature on gay men, but on the society that is trying to quash it altogether.